Some people are fans of Ricki Ortiz. But many other people are NOT fans of Ricki Ortiz. This article is for those in the latter group. And yes, I did completely steal this idea from Drew Magary. So sue me.
Your player
EG | Ricki Ortiz
Yeahhhhhhhhhh!
Personal history
Look, I'm gonna be serious for one second. Ricki, being trans, is on the edge of a social phenomenon that most people won't even really try to understand. Normally I wouldn't even bring this up because it's entirely irrelevant to her gameplay, but I already know that there are a lot of absolute shitheads in the FGC fanbase. So if you're one of those shitheads, here's a simple message: BACK THE FUCK OFF. You don't need to hassle other people to feel good about yourself. You really don't. I promise you that cracking a beer or lighting up a blunt will feel WAY better than posting ignorant comments about Ricki in the stream chat. So the next time you want to do something stupid to her, just do something nice for yourself instead. It's a win-win. Got it? Good.
Now, then, on to the jokes.
CPT season recap
After coming in second at last year's Capcom Cup, Ricki decided to take things a little easier this year.
WHOOPS! In case the crown is throwing you, that'd be eighty-fourth place - that is, eighty-four, as in the name of that lumber store or (and this is true) the number of Earth years that it takes Uranus to orbit the sun. She ended the season with only 156 points, which is a total that Punk surpassed in a single tournament NINE DIFFERENT TIMES. In other words, despite her storied history, this year didn't go so hot for Ricki. And to top it off, she's not even qualified for the Marvel Egg Battle that's taking place this weekend. So it basically sounds like Ricki's demon this year was Ricki - if it wasn't for Nuckle Du dropping out at the last minute (resulting in his auto-qualifying spot defaulting to last year's runner-up), she would've robbed herself of any chance to compete for a championship.
But also, is it just me, or does her math not check out AT ALL? She says that it takes two years to get good. Then she says that she's already at that level in SFV even though the game had only been out for ONE year. I mean, hello? Earth to Ricki? One is smaller than two. One has always been smaller than two. Maybe, I dunno, do the math next time? Just a thought.
Career highlight
On the one hand, this is really more of an UltraDavid highlight than a Ricki highlight:
On the other hand, though, it's a highlight where Wolfkrone gets blown up, and that's delicious.
Why she's getting bodied at Capcom Cup
Well, again:
No disrespect to UrbanFlow, but if you're SIX SPOTS behind a guy who isn't even enough of a threat to have a fucking headshot, you're probably not much of a threat yourself. Ricki's season was a big flashing reminder of why you don't put a game like SFV on the "back burner," and it'd be a miracle if her Capcom Cup was any different.
"But wait," you say
First off, I have to give her a lot of credit for even showing up. If I fell off the way that she fell off this year, I wouldn't have the guys to appear at the winter championship of Street Fighter and risk getting my ass handed to me in front of the whole world. So that's a good start.
Also, the best Ricki has always been angry Ricki. So if any of you are fans, maybe you should show her this article. Plus, who knows - last year she apparently got tuned up in all of two weeks, so maybe she can get a crash course this year, too. I doubt it, but you never know. If you've got any other ideas or you just want to ask me what I'm standing up for, find me in the comments.
Your player
EG | Ricki Ortiz
Yeahhhhhhhhhh!
Personal history
Look, I'm gonna be serious for one second. Ricki, being trans, is on the edge of a social phenomenon that most people won't even really try to understand. Normally I wouldn't even bring this up because it's entirely irrelevant to her gameplay, but I already know that there are a lot of absolute shitheads in the FGC fanbase. So if you're one of those shitheads, here's a simple message: BACK THE FUCK OFF. You don't need to hassle other people to feel good about yourself. You really don't. I promise you that cracking a beer or lighting up a blunt will feel WAY better than posting ignorant comments about Ricki in the stream chat. So the next time you want to do something stupid to her, just do something nice for yourself instead. It's a win-win. Got it? Good.
Now, then, on to the jokes.
CPT season recap
After coming in second at last year's Capcom Cup, Ricki decided to take things a little easier this year.
"I think to get comfortable with the game to a point where you just have to work on being sharp takes about two years. Two years of solid playing, entering events, just knowing every situation. By the time Marvel vs. Capcom: Infinite comes out, I'm planning that I'll already be really sharp in Street Fighter that I can kind of put it on the back-burner for a little bit… that's what my plan is. I can juggle both games."And, hey, I respect that. I'm a Marvel head myself, and you have to follow your heart. It's just - how'd that plan work out, I wonder?
WHOOPS! In case the crown is throwing you, that'd be eighty-fourth place - that is, eighty-four, as in the name of that lumber store or (and this is true) the number of Earth years that it takes Uranus to orbit the sun. She ended the season with only 156 points, which is a total that Punk surpassed in a single tournament NINE DIFFERENT TIMES. In other words, despite her storied history, this year didn't go so hot for Ricki. And to top it off, she's not even qualified for the Marvel Egg Battle that's taking place this weekend. So it basically sounds like Ricki's demon this year was Ricki - if it wasn't for Nuckle Du dropping out at the last minute (resulting in his auto-qualifying spot defaulting to last year's runner-up), she would've robbed herself of any chance to compete for a championship.
But also, is it just me, or does her math not check out AT ALL? She says that it takes two years to get good. Then she says that she's already at that level in SFV even though the game had only been out for ONE year. I mean, hello? Earth to Ricki? One is smaller than two. One has always been smaller than two. Maybe, I dunno, do the math next time? Just a thought.
Career highlight
On the one hand, this is really more of an UltraDavid highlight than a Ricki highlight:
On the other hand, though, it's a highlight where Wolfkrone gets blown up, and that's delicious.
Why she's getting bodied at Capcom Cup
Well, again:
No disrespect to UrbanFlow, but if you're SIX SPOTS behind a guy who isn't even enough of a threat to have a fucking headshot, you're probably not much of a threat yourself. Ricki's season was a big flashing reminder of why you don't put a game like SFV on the "back burner," and it'd be a miracle if her Capcom Cup was any different.
"But wait," you say
First off, I have to give her a lot of credit for even showing up. If I fell off the way that she fell off this year, I wouldn't have the guys to appear at the winter championship of Street Fighter and risk getting my ass handed to me in front of the whole world. So that's a good start.
Also, the best Ricki has always been angry Ricki. So if any of you are fans, maybe you should show her this article. Plus, who knows - last year she apparently got tuned up in all of two weeks, so maybe she can get a crash course this year, too. I doubt it, but you never know. If you've got any other ideas or you just want to ask me what I'm standing up for, find me in the comments.
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