CapCup 2017 player profile: Kazunoko

Some people are fans of Kazunoko. But many other people are NOT fans of Kazunoko. This article is for those in the latter group. And yes, I did completely steal this idea from Drew Magary. So sue me.

Your player
GGP | Kazunoko

Personal history
Despite having a normal adult human appearance, Kazunoko is actually the Pinocchio of the FGC: he was born just a few years ago when a fairy godmother granted the wish of a Mii who wanted to be a real gamer by bringing it to life and teaching it how to DP on wakeup. Having mastered that forbidden technique, Kazunoko used it to tear through the 2015 Capcom Cup, establishing himself as an elite Street Fighter player in the process.

Also I think he plays Guilty Gear, but whatever.


Greatest strength
Unlike some top players I could name (COUGH COUGH BONCHAN), Kazunoko is too smart to lose on the character select screen:

"'I needed to catch up to other players with someone who wasn't a ground character.' Kazunoko said. 'I was trying to decide which character to play until I read a gaming magazine called Arcadia. Daigo did an interview stating Yun was the strongest.'

Kazunoko was convinced and he's played with Yun almost exclusively ever since."

Got that, kids? You COULD play Street Fighter - y'know, pick a "ground character," play footsies, learn matchups, develop tech, that sort of thing - OR you could pick a character with easy combos, excellent frame-trap pressure, above-average mobility, an invincible reversal, a divekick, and a command throw. SEEMS LIKE A PRETTY EASY CHOICE TO ME.

Fun story, speaking of which. Back in 2011, the producer for Street Fighter IV, Yoshinori Ono, straight-up said that there were "some characters who were purposely made strong," including - you guessed it! - Yun. So, hey, good job, Ono-san! Mission fucking accomplished! You asshole.


Greatest weakness
Here's Kazunoko's record against Momochi:

• Loss, 0-3 (11/4/13)
• Loss, 0-7 (12/7/13)
• Loss, 2-3 (6/22/14)
• Loss, 2-3 (6/22/14)
• Loss, 0-2 (7/13/14)
• Win, 3-0 (11/8/14)
• Loss, 5-7 (11/24/14)
• Loss, 0-3 (2/8/15)
• Loss, 0-3 (2/8/15)
• Loss, 1-3 (3/15/15)
• Loss, 1-3 (3/22/15)
• Win, 3-2 (6/21/15)
• Loss, 0-3 (10/25/15)
• Loss, 4-7 (11/21/15)
• Win, 2-0 (4/24/16)

That's a combined record of 3-12, including TWO double-jeopardy situations. If you're counting games, Kazunoko is down 23-49. Against almost everyone in the world, he's a world champion - but against Momochi, Kazunoko turns into the Sacramento goddamn Kings. And don't let that last entry fool you: Momochi took his time getting acclimated to SFV. Now that he knows what he's doing, expect him to dominate Kazunoko.

Also, Kazunoko is weak to futuristic Star Wars doors:



GET BOPPED. LITERALLY.


But did he beat Mike Ross?
Sure did:



Poor Mike Ross. Doesn't he know that you're not supposed to pick a ground-based, mid-tier character? You're supposed to pick Yun and then divekick over and over again until your opponent has a rage-induced aneurysm and dies.


Why he's getting bodied at Capcom Cup
Well, let's see, what made him really good in SFIV? Yun's upkicks were hard to punish properly because they switched sides, and punishments for blocked DPs weren't generally that bad anyway in that game. There was also crazy backdash invulnerability in SFIV, and Yun's red-focus-into-ultra was basically a win button. How much of that, I wonder, does Kazunoko have now in SFV? Oh, right: NONE OF IT.

There are no bullshit DPs in this game that cross up on block, plus we've got crush counters, which make it HURT if you get caught waking up with a reversal. Backdashes aren't abusable anymore, and there's no more red focus. Shit, Cammy doesn't even have a command throw. So it's not really too surprising that Kazunoko hasn't finished above third place in any offline tournament this year. (Yeah, he won one of the online qualifiers, but FUCK ONLINE QUALIFIERS. That shit is NOT the same and everyone knows it.) The year he won Capcom Cup, he'd already won one premier event and finished second at another - but so far THIS year, he has more finishes outside of the top eight than inside of it. Face it: without his broken-ass character, Kazunoko just doesn't have what it takes to be a world champion.


"But wait," you say
Some of you scrubs are gonna try to tell me that mashing DP on wakeup is actually the god tech, I just know it. Just try it - I look forward to crush countering you in the comments.